NJ Hollywood League - Week 7 Recap

By Sam Spiegelman


Albert Is My Homeboy (1-6) 83 vs. The Situation (4-3) 85

You’d think a matchup against a team that’s lost five straight would be a mismatch. You’d think a team that is tied for first in the Black Division would come out firing. You’d think The Situation of all people would have an advantage. After a two-point victory, he did. While dealing with two super-studs on their bye weeks, The Situation squeaked by using C.J. Spiller and Jabar Gaffney to replace Arian Foster and Reggie Wayne. The heroics of The Burner, of course, saved the day and salvaged the fourth win of the season, putting him at a game over .500. It was a valiant effort, however, by Albert, who came up just short Week 7. It could have been a different story if Tony Romo had not been injured Monday night too. With LT and Andre the Giant returning to the lineup, a second victory may be on the horizon, but it is certainly too late for Albert at this point.

The Mudmonkies (7-0) 118 vs. Captain No Nads (3-4) 108

The rich got richer Sunday, as Mudmonkies kept his perfection going in a 10-point ousting of Captain No Nads, who likely felt like he was stripped of his manhood. Five double-digit efforts, including a team-high 20 points from Knowshon Moreno paved the way. A healthy, productive Moreno only improves this high flying team as now every position in the starting lineup is solidified. A playoff spot is inevitable at this point, and maintaining this consistency will be the main factor going forward. The same may not be the case for Captain No Nads, who made just one roster move Week 7, deciding to use Philip Rivers ahead of Matty Ice. The move cannot be faulted, however, as anyone would have done the same. Dealing with Indy running back situation (on a bye week, injuries, who will be the starter) hindered the team, forcing Danny Woodhead into a starting role. For goodness sake, he barely deserves backup considerable. There are bright spots on the team, but it is not looking to promising at this point.

The Usual Suspects (3-4) 91 vs. The Beerlympians (3-4) 73

The Usual Suspects scramble back towards .500 made a little more progress Sunday as the team was able to earn a comfortable win (despite sitting the two most productive weapons on the team). Wacko for Flacco and Run DMC combined for 66 points while riding the pine, while Kyle Orton scored 16 and the three running backs totaled just 20 points, not even half of McFadden’s sum. It’s hard to blame TUS for his moves – Orton, the NFL’s leading passer at the time, seemed to have a favorable matchup versus the Raiders, and McFadden was a question mark due to his injury situation. Nonetheless, a win is a win. For The Beerlympians, I’m sure a 12-pack was downed after coming up short this week. Overall, the team disappointed considering their previous week’s efforts. Rashard Mendenhall, Ray Rice and Jeremy Maclin combined for 15 points after scoring 63 in Week 6. The inconstancy proves to be this team’s thorn-in-the-side as embodied by the .500-ish record. However, the team has enough talent to get postseason considerations, especially as Dwayne Bowe emerges and Michael Vick returns to a starting role in Philly.

Roger (1-6) 39 vs. Blade Runners (4-3) 102

The position we all love to find ourselves in: facing good ol’ Roger. Thirty-nine points from the NJ Hollywood League’s most pathetic offense is not shocking really. But you have to hand it to him; at least he’s trying. Starting Vince Young, out for the week; starting Dallas Clark; out for the year; starting Santonio Holmes, enjoying a bye week. Classic Roger. It looks like the team is trying to throw games more than win games as evident by his roster moves. I’m wasting my energy just discussing this team. So Blade Runners, I don’t want to give you too much credit for beating a 1-6 team, but you do deserve some. Using Steve Johnson as a bye week fill-in for Braylon Edwards, especially over a sluggish Wes Welker, was quite the move. Big Ben manning the quarterback position for the week was successful, too. The team has the talent, but figuring out the WR1 position will be the biggest obstacle to transforming a 4-3 team to a playoff power. Stone Cold Miles Austin has led the way in the disappointment department, and Jon Kitna is definitely not the answer. Get what you can for Austin and Welker and solve that situation.

Shoelace (5-2) 92 vs. 7.0 (4-3) 92

Not a tie – league rules state the team with more overall points (including reserves) wins. Advantage: Shoelace. One hundred twenty-one total points earned Shoelace its fifth win on the season after a miserable 0-2 start. And despite three of his players facing byes, 29 points from his reserves made the difference. Eli Manning led the team in points, scoring 29 points on Monday Night Football to make this contest even more dramatic. Fellow G-Men Ahmad Bradshaw, as well as Greg Jennings and Johnny “Hard” Knox reached double-digit scoring. On the other side, a fifth win for 7.0 would have positioned the team atop the division and in sole possession of first place. Damn Eli! All of his passes to Hakeem the Dream were essentially nullified, hindering his team’s productivity. Six points scored by the reserves made the difference in the tiebreaker in Week 7; what a heartbreaker.

Baba Booey (5-2) 118 vs. Big City Boozers (2-5) 83

One of the few team owners bold enough to start Kenny Britt in spite of his first quarter benching Sunday was Baby Booey, who was handsomely rewarded for his macho confidence (or utter ignorance). Regardless, Britt’s 40-point afternoon of having his way with the Eagles’ secondary led the scoring for the team, especially with the loss of Donald Driver and the not-so-impressive effort of The Marshall Plan haunting the wide receiving core. Despite a 5-2 record, however, I see this team as fading down the stretch. Michael “Not to be confused with Reggie” Bush is conceding carries to Darren McFadden while his other options are nothing to get excited about. Marion the Barbarian has clearly fallen out of favor in Big D and Jahvid Best has cooled down considerably. Perhaps your wide receiver depth should be used to get yourself a RB2. Somewhere to look: your Week 7 opponent. Speaking of Big City Boozers, a tough loss again as once again Brett Favre was too preoccupied with postgame sexting than throwing touchdowns. Another excellent effort from All Day and Mike Wallace; even Brandon Jacobs is making his mark on the G-Men’s offense. Larry Fitzgerald and Brandon Lloyd, however, are both question marks with Fitz dealing with a rookie signal-caller and Brandon Lloyd being…well, Brandon Lloyd. I don’t see too much of a turnaround materializing by inserting the Sanchize at quarterback or Beanie Wells at running back; the season may as well be over.