Hitting the Home Stretch in Buff League

by Andrew Mishler

In a league with three teams at 7-5 and three teams at 6-6, anything can happen this week in terms of who is getting into the playoffs and who isn’t. A few of the games in Week 12 ended as vital wins for some teams in the league, while it’s life or death for other teams this week. And when the dust finally settles, there will only be 6 teams that stand alone in the playoffs.

Notable Week 12 Matches

Professional Bed Tester (78.5) vs. Cock-A-Doodle-Damn (68.9)

Both teams entered this match at a 6-5 record with only two weeks before the playoffs, so it would be understatement to say that this was a “must-win” for both teams. Phillip Rivers was a no-show points wise for Professional Bed Tester, as was LaDainian Tomlinson. But Miles Austin and Maurice-Jones Drew did enough to pick up the slack and give him the comfortable 10-point victory. Cock-A-Doodle-Damn can only wonder what would have happened if Vincent Jackson would have opened his first game of the 2010 season in a more traditional Vincent Jackson fashion. Jackson left the game against the Colts early with an injury and recorded zero points. The win put Professional Bed Tester in position for a possible fifth seed in the playoffs, while Cock-A-Doodle-Damn can only pray that the chips fall his way on Sunday so he can claim the last playoff spot.

Polk High (85.6) vs. Yellow Yellow Jackets (86.7)

Professional Bed Tester vs. Cock-A-Doodle-Damn wasn’t the only match last week in which teams with the same record (5-6) faced off. This close match proved to be the difference between Yellow Yellow Jacket now fighting for a playoff spot and Polk High now being eliminated from playoff competition. Polk High can place the blame for his razor thin loss squarely at the feet of Peyton Manning. Manning had another lackluster day, throwing 2 touchdowns but four interceptions. The last pick came late in the game, and had it been avoided, Polk High would have claimed the victory. Unfortunately, because of the interceptions, he’ll know have to watch as others move on to the postseason.

Notable Week 13 Matches

Xtreme2daMax! (7-5) vs. Rusty Kuntz (6-6)

Simply put, if Rusty Kuntz wins this match, he could push Xtreme2daMax! Out of a playoff spot. The chances of that happening are very good, as Rusty Kuntz has Arian Foster, Ahmad Bradshaw, Michael Turner and Santonio Holmes all lined up to start. Xtreme2daMax! may keep his playoff spot even if he does lose, but his chances of that happening will decrease significantly.

Kickin Bart’s Ass (8-4) vs. Cock-A-Doodle-Damn (6-6)

One of the BUFF League’s heavyweights will try to put to rest a team fighting for a playoff spot in this matchup. Cock-A-Doodle-Damn is set to make a surprise play in order to avoid that, lining up Toby Gerhart as one of his starting RB’s in place of the injured Adrian Peterson. Gerhart proved last week that he could be productive as a featured back, but putting so much faith in a mostly untested rookie could backfire. But, since it is the last game of the regular season, it’s never been a better time to make a move like this.

Projected Playoff Teams

Motor Boatin’ Sons of Bitches

Kickin Bart’s Ass

Professional Bed Tester

Gone Fishin

Xtreme2daMax!

Rusty Kuntz

Week 12: Well, Lumbergh Effed Her

by Scott Zlotnick

The playoff push is on and with one week left in the regular season, there are two spots left in the playoffs up for grabs.  Five teams are battling it out for the last two spots.  Let’s take a look at their games from last week and forecast their chances for grabbing one of the last playoff berths.

Tiger’s Used Pussy (5-6-1)

            The Tiger’s could have clinched a playoff berth last weekend with a victory over the then 3-8 Hoodrats but were unable to defeat them, losing by a big margin.  Chris Johnson surprisingly had zero fantasy points and the loss of Hakeem Nicks certainly hurt their lineup.  Not only did they lose the game, they allowed the HoodRats to stay in hunt for the final playoff berth.  In their final game of the season, Tiger faces the 3-9 aTouchofDowns.  Chris Johnson should bounce back against the Jaguars, especially with Kerry Collins back at QB, and Eli Manning should have a field day against an awful Redskin’s secondary.  I like Tiger’s Used Pussy to make the playoffs.

Chachi (5-7)

            Chachi got a much needed victory last weekend to propel themselves into the final playoff position.  The trio of Tom Brady, Arian Foster, and Peyton Hillis was deadly last week, combining for 95 points.  However, those three cannot carry Chachi this week, with each player facing a much bigger test than they had last week.  I expect Foster to still have a good game against the Eagles due to the cold weather conditions but Brady faces a very difficult Jets defense and HIllis faces a decent Miami defense.  With a matchup against another contending playoff team, the 4-8 Easier than Mrs. Garrett, Chachi has a very tough matchup.  Aaron Rodgers has been playing great football and Jamal Charles is one of the top fantasy backs.  Unfortunately for Chachi, I see a loss this week and missing the playoffs (depending on tie-breaker).

OG’s (5-7)

            The OG’s lost big last week to the first-place Brown Storm, who are 11-1 and ran away with the division title.  The OG’s were let down by Desean Jackson’s disappointing effort against the Bears that drew the ire of Andy Reid.  The return of Vincent Jackson did nothing for the team, as Jackson left the game in the first quarter with a calf injury and appears done for at least the next three weeks.  In order for the OG’s to succeed and make the playoffs, both Philip Rivers and Desean Jackson need to have big weeks.  Both players have tremendous matchups, Jackson against an awful Texans secondary and Rivers against a Raiders defense that   allowed Chad Henne to throw for over 300 yards last week.  I like the OG’s to win this week and grab the final playoff spot.

Easier than Mrs. Garrett and Little Miss Sunshine (4-8)

            Both teams are 4-8 and appear to be on the outside looking in, barring some major help from other teams.  LMS did not help their case with a loss last week to the 7-4 Sex Panther’s.  They really needed to win the game to keep themselves in the hunt for the final playoff spot.  Mrs. Garrett got a big win last week that kept them alive for a playoff spot but it seems to be too little, too late.  For both teams, look forward to next season and be happy you can now enjoy football without worrying about fantasy football.

Week 12; Madison Football League

by Scott Zlotnick

This is a big week in the MFL.  With three teams having clinched a playoff spot, that means there is one spot up for grabs.  Four teams are fighting for one playoff berth, so it should make for very interesting week.  Let’s look at the four teams remaining and see just how they can make the playoffs.

Tomahawks (6-5-1)

            The Tomahawks have the simplest path to the playoffs: win.  All they need to do is beat the 6-6 K-Men and they’re in.  However, a loss would have them on the outside looking in.  In order for the Tomahawks to win, they need Philip Rivers to bounce back against a weak Raiders defense but more importantly they need Ray Rice to have a big day.  Coming into the season, Rice was a sexy fantasy pick and was a top-5 pick in most leagues.  However, Rice has failed to live up to the preseason hype due to injuries and Willis McGahee stealing goal-line touchdowns.  The Steelers have a very good run defense, the best in the NFL, but the shaky Ravens o-line needs to make lanes for Rice to get through.  In this matchup, I’ll give the edge to the K-Men based on overall talent and the matchups this week.

K-Men (6-6)

            The K-Men get in with a win and a loss by Sunday is for Professionals, who hold a tiebreaker based on points.  This is due to their matchup with the Tomahawks.  As stated above, I’ll give the edge to the K-Men.  I really like how MJD has really turned it on down the stretch and Calvin Johnson has become a beast again.  Due to the Lions defense being shaky and the fact that Drew Stanton will be playing QB, look for Johnson to see a lot of targets against a vulnerable Bears secondary.  Although the Bears get a lot of pressure on the QB, Stanton should throw the ball enough to where Johnson is a major factor.

Sunday is for Professionals (6-6)

            Due to their point total, Sunday is for Professionals gets in with a win.  Peyton Manning should bounce back this week against an awful Cowboys defense after having a horrible game against the Chargers last week.  Arian Foster should have another big week against the Eagles due to the cold temperatures in Philadelphia.  In order for the Texans to win, they need to control the pace of the game, so look for a heavy dose of Foster.  Facing a team that is on a six-game losing streak, I like Sunday to make the playoffs.

Molly Maguire’s (6-6)

            The Molly Maguire’s need some help to get in to the playoffs.  If both K-Men and Sunday is for Professionals lose along with the Molly Maguire’s, the Maguire’s would get in.  However, if all three win, the Maguire’s would be on the outside looking in.  Unfortunately, I just don’t see how the Molly Maguire’s will get in the playoffs.

Total Mayhem Week#12

by Andrew Mishler

Quiet Week in Total Mayhem

While there may be many good teams in Total Mayhem, there can only be six playoff teams. Unfortunately, most of those playoff spots have been locked up. One team stands alone at 9-3, while three teams follow him at 8-4 and another at 7-5. After that, it’s a fight between three teams for the likely sixth seed. But as of right now, one of those final teams could end up as the overall winner of the league.

Playoff Locks

While there are already four playoff locks for Total Mayhem, seeds can still be changed. Team Tuch (9-3) is riding a two game winning streak and should easily secure that spot as he faces off against the mediocre Necessary Roughness (5-7). The teams one game behind him will battle it out for seeding in the playoffs this week. Balls Deep will be the one in that group who will have his hands full. He’ll face off against Team WTF (6-6), and both of the owners currently own four game winning streaks. That match will have one of the biggest effects on the postseason this week. Nevertheless, Team Tuch and Balls Deep along with the other two 8-4 teams, notorious ego and Boomstick’sPimpHand, will all be postseason contenders.

On the Verge

DaBirds doesn’t hold a clinched spot for the playoffs right now, but he’s as good as in with a 7-5 record and three 6-6 teams below him. He can end the hopes of one of those teams this week by knocking off Plan B, but that won’t be easy. Plan B has Kyle Orton, Greg Jennings and Chris Johnson all at his disposal, and each one’s matchup is favorable. The Stigs and Team WTF will have it a lot tougher, as they both will play against teams with superior records. However, both teams have also been playing well lately, so they certainly won’t be going down without a fight. These matches will have the most impact on the Team Mayhem postseason.

Down and Out

Necessary Roughness has had an up-and-down season, but he came just short of having a shot at the playoffs with a 5-7 record. He’ll have the shot at taking away Team Tuch’s first seed away in his match against him this week. Howboutthemcowboys (4-8) will have the same opportunity against Boomstick’sPimpHand, as a win could take him down to the fourth seed of the postseason. Finally, Go Blue! (4-8) and Skins Domination (1-11) will face off in the Toilet Bowl as the two teams with the lowest record playing a match that will have zero impact on the playoffs.

SCRUF - Week #12

by Andrew Mishler

The Ties that Bind the SCRUF League

The SCRUF League is shaped much like the NFL standings are currently shaped. A few great teams, many solid teams, a few terrible teams. Since it is the week before playoff competition, the postseason bracket is beginning to form. But there are still spots to fill, and many games this week will determine who fills those spots and who ends the season on an extremely sour note.

Playoff Locks

-Killer B’s has a 10-2 record after he easily won his game last week against More Cowbell. He’s cruising into the playoffs and even might have a deeper roster by then if Pierre Thomas comes back from his injury and plays well for the Saints. With other players like Dwayne Bowe, Roddy White and Maurice Jones-Drew starting to push out monster games almost every week, Killer B’s has to be considered the favorite for the championship.

-Only four weeks ago, Springfield GMEN was 3-5 and looking like a lost cause for the playoffs. All of that has changed since then. He now has a 7-5 record off a four game winning streak and looking like a contender in the playoffs. Since he leads the East division by a game and is facing the 3-9 Gary Boys this week, there’s virtually no chance he doesn’t secure the top spot.

-Devlin Magregor is the third powerhouse in the league. He boasts an 8-4 record, good enough for second in the division and two games in front of his closest competition. Like Killer B’s, this is essentially a bye week for him before the playoffs begin.

On the Verge

The five teams with a 6-6 record will have to be narrowed down a lucky three for the playoffs by the end of this week. One of the key games to decide the lineup is The Hoagies vs. Rocky Mountain Oysters, as both teams possess an even 6-6 record. On paper, The Hoagies should have an advantage over his opponent. He’ll have Phillip Rivers, Ray Rice, and LaDainian Tomlinson starting while Rocky Mountain Oysters has players like Chris Ivory, Felix Jones and Braylon Edwards to go along with superstar fantasy quarterback Michael Vick.  B G Express also has a good shot at getting into the postseason, as he faces off against the lowly 4-8 Springfield Flush.

Out of Reach

Too little, too late for the 5-7 Wonder Twins and EMAC. They both had decent seasons, but decent won’t be good enough to earn them a playoff position. The seasons for B G Express and the 3-9 Gary Boys ended a long time ago, but they could restore their relevance by knocking a bubble team out of the playoffs. While it’s not likely to happen, it’s always a fun way to end a disappointing season.