Week 12: Well, Lumbergh Effed Her

by Scott Zlotnick

The playoff push is on and with one week left in the regular season, there are two spots left in the playoffs up for grabs.  Five teams are battling it out for the last two spots.  Let’s take a look at their games from last week and forecast their chances for grabbing one of the last playoff berths.

Tiger’s Used Pussy (5-6-1)

            The Tiger’s could have clinched a playoff berth last weekend with a victory over the then 3-8 Hoodrats but were unable to defeat them, losing by a big margin.  Chris Johnson surprisingly had zero fantasy points and the loss of Hakeem Nicks certainly hurt their lineup.  Not only did they lose the game, they allowed the HoodRats to stay in hunt for the final playoff berth.  In their final game of the season, Tiger faces the 3-9 aTouchofDowns.  Chris Johnson should bounce back against the Jaguars, especially with Kerry Collins back at QB, and Eli Manning should have a field day against an awful Redskin’s secondary.  I like Tiger’s Used Pussy to make the playoffs.

Chachi (5-7)

            Chachi got a much needed victory last weekend to propel themselves into the final playoff position.  The trio of Tom Brady, Arian Foster, and Peyton Hillis was deadly last week, combining for 95 points.  However, those three cannot carry Chachi this week, with each player facing a much bigger test than they had last week.  I expect Foster to still have a good game against the Eagles due to the cold weather conditions but Brady faces a very difficult Jets defense and HIllis faces a decent Miami defense.  With a matchup against another contending playoff team, the 4-8 Easier than Mrs. Garrett, Chachi has a very tough matchup.  Aaron Rodgers has been playing great football and Jamal Charles is one of the top fantasy backs.  Unfortunately for Chachi, I see a loss this week and missing the playoffs (depending on tie-breaker).

OG’s (5-7)

            The OG’s lost big last week to the first-place Brown Storm, who are 11-1 and ran away with the division title.  The OG’s were let down by Desean Jackson’s disappointing effort against the Bears that drew the ire of Andy Reid.  The return of Vincent Jackson did nothing for the team, as Jackson left the game in the first quarter with a calf injury and appears done for at least the next three weeks.  In order for the OG’s to succeed and make the playoffs, both Philip Rivers and Desean Jackson need to have big weeks.  Both players have tremendous matchups, Jackson against an awful Texans secondary and Rivers against a Raiders defense that   allowed Chad Henne to throw for over 300 yards last week.  I like the OG’s to win this week and grab the final playoff spot.

Easier than Mrs. Garrett and Little Miss Sunshine (4-8)

            Both teams are 4-8 and appear to be on the outside looking in, barring some major help from other teams.  LMS did not help their case with a loss last week to the 7-4 Sex Panther’s.  They really needed to win the game to keep themselves in the hunt for the final playoff spot.  Mrs. Garrett got a big win last week that kept them alive for a playoff spot but it seems to be too little, too late.  For both teams, look forward to next season and be happy you can now enjoy football without worrying about fantasy football.