by Sam Spiegelman
ForeSkins (5-3)
There’s a lot of encouraging signs for ForeSkins coming down the stretch. Carson Palmer is heating up, Hakeem the Dream is emerging as a WR1 and Arian Foster is a budding star. But with success, often, comes questionable decision making. If both Palmer and Matty Ice are hot, who are you going to rely on? If Foster and Rashard Mendenhall and Thomas Jones have good matchups, which running back will you rely on? Will a wide receiver’s name earn his a spot in the starting lineup over production? Here’s my advice: you’re atop of your division, granted by just a game. You have to stick with who got you here – Ryan, Foster, Mendenhall, Anquan Boldin, Nicks and Owens. When Malcolm Floyd returns, compare his production to V-Jax; wait to see if Santonio Holmes gets acclimated into the Jets offense. A trip to the playoffs is in your hands.
Ryan Grant, I hardly knew ye (4-4)
If the names were removed, you may consider Tom Brady not exactly the best fit at quarterback. As the Pats devolve into a 2002-version of their offense, I see Tom Terrific’s value declining sporadically; a last-second trade can take you from .500 to contender in this league. With DeAngelo hurt, you have done an excellent stacking up depth at running back – LeGarrette Blount, Michael Bush, Peyton “Running up” Hillis are all great plays week-to-week. Having Mike Wallace, Reggie Wayne and Roddy White are must-plays. It falls back on the quarterback. There are nine quarterbacks who have scored more points than Brady this season, many of which sitting on your fellow owners’ bench (including Ryan Fitzpatrick, what?) Go get ‘em.
Melbot (4-4)
TGIAR – Thank god it’s Andy Reid playing carousel with his quarterbacks. Neither Joe Flacco nor Mark Sanchez is an elite fantasy quarterback, so having Michael Vick back at the helm takes you to contender level. However, your running back situation remains questionable. Sure, LeSean McCoy is a stud, but Cedric Benson is as inconsistent as they come, while Willis McGahee and Shonn Greene are sitting at number two on the depth chart. You may want to sell Austin Collie or Braylon Edwards high; Dez Bryant is meshing well with Jon Kitna, Andre the Giant is untouchable and a Jeremy Maclin-Vick tandem could be nasty. Finding a RB2 puts you on an elite level.
Chumps (4-4)
With Peyton Manning and Chris Johnson both in your lineup, it’s hard to have a losing record. You would think Randy Moss could round out a big three; ehh. Moss has to prove he can play motivated with the Titans, which I think is inevitable. The dude’s got a disciplinary head coach to push him, a contending team and a reason to prove his doubters wrong – perhaps the biggest beneficiary is you, Chumps. If Ryan Torain can return healthy or Marshawn Lynch can return to his Buffalo form, you’re in great shape, because your wideouts are not going to get the job done. You’re leaning on Eddie Royal, Lee Evans, Patrick Crayton – hell, I’ll catch as many slants over the middle as Robert Meachem will on Sundays. You best hope Moss steps up in a big way to pick up the slack.
Eric vs. Hank (3-5)
I cannot even comprehend how the talent level has led this team to a dismal 3-5 record. Philip Rivers is playing out of his damn mind, Run DMC realized he can play in the big leagues, and Brandon Lloyd suddenly hit his stride. That, with the presence of Ahmad Bradshaw, Beanie Wells, Greg Jennings, the Marshall Plan, Steve Smith and Mike Williams – you should be undefeated bro. If it’s running backs you need, get what you can for Santana Moss and Smith, or even Lloyd who is bound to fall back to reality sooner or later. Regardless, your team will start to win a lot of games – the playoffs are on the horizon.
Champion Dwarf Tosser (5-3)
Rule one: don’t fall in love with Ryan Fitzpatrick; he plays for the Bills…’nuff said. Fortunately, Kyle Orton is playing great and under the radar. You also have The Law Firm manning up while Ray Rice and Felix Jones deal with road blocks. The same can be said for Stone Cold Miles Austin; what’s encouraging, however, is the chemistry he seems to have with Jon Kitna over Tony Romo so far. Getting Austin and your running backs to play consistently week in and week out is the only key to continue on the road to the playoffs.
Men without Helmets (5-3)
Aside from Drew Brees and Frank Gore, I am not a believer in Men without Helmets as a playoff contender. I don’t know whether I can trust Knowshon Moreno or Brandon Jacobs as a RB2; I don’t know if Donald Driver is healthy; what will Percy Harvin do without Randy Moss lining up opposite him? Unless a major trade can be made, I sense some faltering down the stretch for this team. How strong are Brees’ shoulders?
Last Place (4-4)
There is not a doubt in my mind this team can emerge from .500 to make the playoffs, and make noise once they get there. Aaron Rodgers just went scoreless last week – he is going to rebound like hell now, and refuel after his bye to help his team get to the playoffs. Jamaal Charles is finding his niche within the Chiefs offense, and is a fine fit at RB2 until Matt “I’m a Man, I’m” Forte finds his role with the Bears. I think Marques Colston is in store for a huge stretch run with the Saints, and perhaps Nate Washington will be the beneficiary of the Randy Moss trade and Kenny Britt injury. With assets like Fitz and Antonio Gates, get your tennis shoes on; you’re going on a run.
Elfboys (3-5)
Eeky quarterback situations, a lack of production from the running back situation and mediocrity at the wide receiver spot. Sorry, Elfboys, this is not your year. Stump the Schaub was stumped, plain and simple. Adrian Peterson cannot carry the entire Vikings offense on his back, how do you expect him to carry your team? And I don’t know if I’m ready to rely on Dwayne Bowe as my elite wideout each week. The team overall is average; time to hibernate for the winter.
Bearnaked Ladies (3-5)
Dude, your team is a mess. Jay Cutler is hitting all the receivers on the other team; Jahvid Best ran into a rookie wall and we’re putting all of our faith into a subpar wide receiving core. Aside from the Burner and DeSean Jackson, there is just not enough talent to turnaround your 3-5 season. Unless you switch to a defense opposing Cutler each week, there definitely are not enough points to be scored to carry you to the playoffs.
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