Taking Talents to South Beach – Midseason Report

By Paul Pearson

As we head into Week 9 of the NFL season, seven teams sit within one game of each other at the top of the Taking Talents to South Beach standings. Favre’s Huge Cock occupies the No. 1 spot with a league-high 995.76 points. It helps to have Philip Rivers, the top player in fantasy football (187.26 points), along with Arian Foster, the top-scoring running back (161). Free17LetHimBallOut is in second place but trails the Cocks by over 100 points and now must deal with Kyle Orton’s bye week.

The 69ers sit in third place, despite Vincent Jackson’s elongated suspensions and injuries to both Joseph Addai and Austin Collie. Malken is the fourth of the 5-3 teams by virtue of having scored only 786.18 points. This team is completely dependent on Drew Brees for its passing points (literally; this roster currently features no other quarterbacks).

Immediately behind these 5-3 teams, we find a three-way logjam of 4-4 squads. IGoodInMyOtherLeague leads the way with 908.38 but has given up a league-high 957.34 points. No other team is within 75 points of that total. The OtherLeagues feature a ground-oriented attack; the only players to crack the 100-point barrier are Adrian Peterson, Frank Gore and Steven Jackson.

The sixth-place Hochuli’s Biceps, on the other hand, like to go to the air; their only 100-plus-point players are Peyton Manning and Anquan Boldin. Sneezin&Coughlin has scored a league-low 693.74 points and has suffered critical injuries to both DeSean Jackson and Reggie Bush. The Coughlins also have given up a league-low 762.2 points.

iShouldBe7and1, victims of the recent LaDainian Tomlinson scoring change, sit at 3-5, despite the presence of Antonio Gates, fantasy football’s top-scoring tight end (140.3). The 7and1s are tied with the Moaning Sloths, who have risen to 3-5 by virtue of a two-game winning streak.

At the bottom of the heap, we find FaceHumpingKRoesser, a team that has gotten epic afternoons from Adrian Peterson but also has had to ride the Randy Moss Roller Coaster. Now the KRoessers have to survive a bye week for fantasy football’s top-scoring wide receiver, Brandon Lloyd (138.8).