Taking Talents to South Beach – Week 9 Summaries

By Paul Pearson

IGoodInMyOtherLeague vs. Favre’s Huge Cock

This game could have served as a tribute to the immortal Larry Bird. That’s because the Cocks got a pair of 33-point performances (Philip Rivers with 33.1 points and Arian Foster with a team-high 33.7) in its 121.7-104.82 win over the OtherLeagues. Michael Turner wasn’t bad himself, scoring 22.7 for the Cocks, which survived a goose egg from the bye-week Rob Bironas. Adrian Peterson was the top performer for the OtherLeagues with 28.4 points. However, none of his fantasy teammates reached 15 points. Larry Fitzgerald, in one of his better outings of the season, came the closest with 14.2 points.

Moaning Sloths vs. Free17LetHimBallOut

It’s never a good sign when a 14.1-point performance has to be considered the highlight of your weekend. That’s what the Sloths got from Willis McGahee in a 92.94-66.94 defeat at the hands of the BallOuts. The only other Sloth to reach double digis was LeSean McCoy, who scored a grand total of 11.8 points. The Sloths even had to take a minus-2-point score from the New England Patriots defense/special teams, who never seemed to figure out what hit them in Cleveland. The BallOuts were led by two Baltimore Ravens: Joe Flacco (23.34 points) and Ray Rice (21.5). In all, four BallOut starters posted double-digits scores, and the team was able to shake off the 1.8 points from Calvin Johnson, who learned that Revis Island can be an unpleasant place to spend an afternoon.

Hochuli’s Biceps vs. IShouldBe7and1

Michael Vick announced his return to the starting lineup in a big way by outplaying Peyton Manning and scoring a team-leading 28.12 points for the 7and1s in a 96.32-88.46 victory over the Biceps. Ahmad Bradshaw added 23.2 points to the winning cause, but Stephen Gostkowski scored a single point – the last point he will score all season, as it turns out. Jacob Tamme, making a case for Waiver Wire Pickup of the Year, led the way for the Biceps with 22.3 points. But the Biceps mustered only 1.6 points from Felix Jones, and they had to deal with Manning’s unusually bad afternoon in Philadelphia (13.76 points).

The 69ers vs. Face Humping KRoesser

Terrell Owens and Cedric Benson nearly did it. In their valiant but losing effort against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Owens scored 31.1 points for the 69ers, and Benson scored 14.4. The 69ers almost pulled off the Monday night comeback, but the KRoessers held on for the 134.36-118.76 win. Aaron Rodgers led the KRoessers with 33.66 points, followed by the New Orleans Saints defense/special teams with 21. The lowest-scoring KRoesser starter was Patrick Crayton, who put up 8.5 points. By contrast, the lowest-scoring 69er starter was Benjamin Watson, who scored only 2.9 points and didn’t seem to benefit from the Cleveland dismantling of the New England Patriots.

Malken vs. Sneezin&Coughlin

This was the week to stay out of the Malkens’ way. Eight of their nine starters hit double digits, and six of them scored 20 or more, as the Malkens beat the Coughlins by a score of 179.12-128.7. Peyton Hillis, who ran roughshod over the Patriots, led the way for the Malkens with 36.5 points, followed by the Green Bay Packers defense/special teams with 28. The Coughlins were no slouches themselves. Even though they lost by the biggest margin of the week, their score would have beaten all but one of the other teams in this league. Seven starters reached double digits, but only two cleared the 20-point threshold: Eli Manning (29.5) and DeSean Jackson (22.4).