Time for Winners and Losers to Determine Who's Best
by Paul Pearson
Taking a cue from King Solomon of the Old Testament, the Total Mayhem has taken its teams and split them right down the middle. On one side of the divide, we have six franchises who can dream of claiming the title Champions of Mayhem. On the other side, we have six teams who can aspire to be called the Best of the Losers (or something like that).
QUARTERFINALS
The league's top two teams can spend this weekend shopping and hoping they're players don't do anything foolish like get injured. These bye weeks were determined by tiebreakers, since the top four teams wound up with 9-4 records. Balls Deep rode a five-game winning streak to the top of the standings, while Team Tuch backed into the second slot with a season-ending loss.
notorious ego vs. Plan B
The 9-4 Egos won their last two matches and grabbed the third seed in the postseason. The 6-7 Plans lost three in a row and had to sweat out the tiebreakers before getting the sixth and final playoff berth. The Egos are probably wishing they could take a few of Tom Brady's points from Monday night and apply them to this week. The Plans are hoping the Titans remember they have Chris Johnson on their roster. This game will hinge on the Minnesota Vikings in both lineups. If Brett Favre can hold his shoulder together long enough to play Sunday, both Sidney Rice and Visanthe Shiancoe become threats to find the end zone. But even if the Vikings haul Fran Tarkenton out of retirement to throw, they'll get points out of Adrian Peterson. He'll lead the Egos to the semifinals.
Boomstick'sPimpHand vs. DaBirds
The 9-4 PimpHands rode a two-game winning streak into the fourth playoff seed. The Birds prevailed in Week 13 to ensure the fifth seed. Both sides have stellar running backs (LeSean McCoy for the Birds and Rashard Mendenhall for the PimpHands). The Birds will miss Heath Miller this week, when they will need all they points they can muster. That's because Michael Vick of the PimpHands may be the hottest player in all of fantasy football. He plays a Dallas Cowboys team that, despite Peyton Manning's frequent interceptions, had to survive overtime and gave up 35 points last week. Vick is not throwing interceptions left and right, so he should hit his point target with time to spare. Expect the PimpHands to march into the next round.
LOSERS BRACKET
Even among the losers, there are degrees of losing. For pair of 6-7 teams, Necessary Roughness and The Stigs, not losing as badly as the other losers means a week 14 bye.
TEAM WTF!!! vs. Skins Domination
Despite giving up the fewest points to opponents in the league, the 6-7 WTFs dropped its season finale and fell into ninth place. The Skins have been less than dominant, dropping their final four games and winding up in the league basement with a 1-12 record. Ray Rice can supply the Skins with comeback potential on Monday night. But the rest of the stars in this matchup can be found on the WTF side of the ledger. Mark Sanchez can bounce back from his Monday night shellacking, and the odds of Dwayne Bowe getting shut out again are roughly the same as Mike Shanahan and Albert Haynesworth exchanging Christmas cards this year. And then there's Michael Turner, the closest thing to a sure thing this fantasy season. He's the real reason the WTFs will move on.
Go Blue! vs. howboutthemcowboys
The 5-8 Blues ended their regular season on a high note with a win but still wound up in the 10th slot. The 4-9 Cowboys stretched their season-ending slide to five games and landed in the 11th spot. Knowshon Moreno and Anquan Boldin had bounceback outings last week for the Blues, and Philip Rivers is always dangerous in December. But the Cowboys counter with Maurice Jones-Drew, who is chasing an NFL rushing title and won't let the Oakland Raiders stand in his way. The Cowboys also have an actual (Dallas) Cowboy, Jon Kitna, whose passing may even save Jason Garrett's job. Combine that with a Green Bay Packers defense that gets to tee off on whoever takes snaps for the Detroit Lions this week, and it adds up to the Cowboys winning a tight one.
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