It's a Final Full of Surprises
by Paul Pearson
Taking a cue from King Solomon of the Old Testament, the League of Tax-Free Shopping has taken its teams and split them right down the middle. On one side of the divide, we have six franchises who can dream of claiming the title Champions of Tax-Free Shopping. On the other side, we have six teams who can aspire to be called the Best of the Losers (or something like that).
CHAMPIONSHIP
Let It Bleed vs. LandSharks
The sixth-seeded Bleeds (9-5-1) edged Tyler's Tornados in a 139-133 semifinal upset. The fifth-seeded LandSharks (10-5) pounded Chelsea's Chumps by a score of 173-133. The Bleeds can call on Michael Vick to produce points against any NFL team, including the Minnesota Vikings, his opponent for this week. The LandSharks need to hope Vincent Jackson can continue finding the end zone this Sunday night against the hapless Cincinnati Bengals. They also need to hope Matt Ryan can continue his dome-winning ways against the New Orleans Saints. Justin Tuck should get some sacks on whoever takes snaps for Green Bay, and Ndamukong Suh should be able to continue his march toward NFL Defensive Rookie (if not Player) of the Year. This one will come down to the quarterback matchup. Vick is a better bet to score points in bunches than Ryan, so the Bleeds should ride him to the title.
THIRD-PLACE GAME
Tyler's Tornados vs. Chelsea's Chumps
The top-seeded Tornados (12-3) paid a heavy price for Michael Turner's first quiet fantasy day in recent memory. The second-seeded Chumps (10-5) ran into a buzzsaw and didn't have stratospheric stats from Tom Brady to protect them. Both of these stars should be able to bounce back fantasy-wise this week, so it comes down to the supporting cast. Arian Foster and Maurice Jones-Drew are both threats to cross the goal line every time they touch the ball, but Anquan Boldin of the Tornados can run hot and cold. His production may depend on whether the Baltimore Ravens need to throw against the Cleveland Browns. Braylon Edwards and Darrius Heyward-Bey of the Chumps can put up double digits or donuts with equal ease. On the defensive side of the ball, the Chumps can count on points from Osi Umenyiora and James Harrison, but Chad Greenway and Darnell Dockett are a little more iffy for the Tornados. Look for the Chumps to win a close one for the yellow ribbon.
CONSOLATION ROUND FINAL
2 Shorts and a Long vs. Sirius Contenders
The seventh-seeded Shorts (9-6) prevailed in a 141-137 squeaker over Malignant Apathy last week. The ninth-seeded Contenders (7-8) held off the Wasted Draft Picks by a score of 109-97. The Contenders got a mountain of points from Ray Rice, who may need to find holes against the Cleveland Browns to keep the Ravens' AFC North division hopes on life support. The Shorts' hopes are being held hostage by the Minnesota Vikings quarterback situation, since Sidney Rice and Visanthe Shiancoe would rather not have their passer learning on the job. The Contenders have slim pickings at QB (Alex Smith, anyone?), while the Shorts have Drew Brees, whose New Orleans Saints should have a fired-up Superdome crowd on their side Monday night against the Atlanta Falcons. Brees will make all the difference this week, and the Shorts should walk into the new year with the title Best of the Rest.
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