Alabama Crab Danglers – Midseason Report

By Paul Pearson

After eight weeks of fantasy action, a clear divide is developing between the contenders and the pretenders in the Alabama Crab Danglers league. We start in Division 1, where the Wisco Wormburpers are off to the best start. They sport a 7-1 season record and a two-game winning streak, and they have been able to brush off Reggie Bush’s injury and Vincent Jackson’s suspension with strong numbers from Adrian Peterson and Matt Ryan. I Piss Excellence sits one game back thanks to the cannon arm of Philip Rivers, the top scorer in fantasy football with 207.75 points.

Websters Dicktionary sits right at .500. The Dicktionaries do have the highest point total (968.2 points) and the top-scoring running back in Arian Foster. However, they also have allowed a league-leading 922.8 points. The 40 Yr Old Viking is two games behind the Dicktionaries with a 2-6 record. The Norseman has had to absorb not only Dallas Clark’s season-ending injury, but Larry Johnson’s release after only two games with the Washington Redskins.

The Nerfherders are staring up at everyone else with a 1-7 record, a five-game losing streak and a league-low point total of 664.45 points. The only top 10 players currently on the Nerfherder roster are kickers (Graham Gano and Matt Bryant) and defense/special teams (the Redskins).

Over in Division 2, the Chicken Cutlet finds itself at the top of the heap with a 5-3 record. Now it has to deal with life without Kenny Britt for a while. (Britt’s life also may have become more complicated now that the Tennessee Titans have claimed Randy Moss off waivers.)

Three other teams in this division are tied at 4-4. Lt. Blumpkin has the edge over the others with 831.55 points and Antonio Gates, the top-scoring tight end with 129.3 points. Double Deuce sits roughly 37 points behind the Blumpkins, thanks in part to Brandon Lloyd, the highest-scoring wide receiver with 126.8 points. Kosher Catfish, getting solid numbers from both Tom Brady and Chris Johnson, is only 22 points and change behind the Deuces.

Casual Sacks sits in the division basement with a 3-5 record and a two-game losing streak. This team would be dominant if this were a quarterback-only league; its roster currently features Aaron Rodgers, Kyle Orton and Carson Palmer.