City of Champs – Midseason Report

By Paul Pearson

One word can describe the standings in the City of Champs league at the midpoint of the season: logjam. (Yes, that’s one word, not two; I looked it up.)

In the Oral division, three teams share the league’s best record at 5-3. The Beach Bums currently sit on top with a league-high 883 points scored, led by the Pittsburgh Steelers defense/special teams, who are averaging 24.4 points a game. Big Ben’s Bathroom had the league’s best record until stumbling last week, when four of its players, including three Ravens, were on their bye week. Completing the trifecta are the Rapethlis burghers, who are getting over 20 points a game from both Peyton Manning and the New York Jets defense/special teams.

Team XXX and Air Force One share the Oral division’s worst record at 3-5. Team XXX, with the league’s top running back (Arian Foster) and tight end (Antonio Gates), holds a 45-point edge over Air Force One, who are still recovering from injuries by DeSean Jackson and Joseph Addai.

Things are even tighter in the Anal division, where four teams share a 4-4 record. Piece of Ice, the only one of the four to win its Week 8 game, sports the league’s top quarterback (Philip Rivers) and wide receiver (Brandon Lloyd) and the division’s top point total (841). Little Italy, only 18 points behind the Ice in the standings, sports a pair of top 10 defense/special teams in the Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears. The Tig ManBitties roster features top 10 players at every position except tight end, while the Bayside Tigers sport a pair of 20-point players in Aaron Rodgers and the Seattle Seahawks defense/special teams.

That leaves Testl Cool, who has the division cellar all to itself at 3-5, despite a pair of top 10 running backs (LeSean McCoy and Rashard Mendenhall) and a pair of top 10 quarterbacks (Kyle Orton and the Who-the-Hell-Saw-This-Coming Midseason Award winner, Ryan Fitzpatrick).