Five of the 14 teams in the No Sissies league can put the Mylanta away, at least for this week. For most of the others, it’s time to see if the local warehouse store sells antacid by the case. Because anything can happen this late in the NFL season; just ask Frank Gore.
They’re In
Weezies Weezles took the top spot in the standings with a 60-point beatdown of Anna’s Annihilator’s last week. Both teams now have 9-3 records and remain eligible for the top playoff berth and the first-round bye that comes with it. The Annihilators need Peyton Hillis to stay on his personal hot streak (six touchdowns in his last four games). The Weezles need their Peyton (Manning) not to stink out the joint again this week.
Three other teams have locked up postseason spots with 7-5 records—Barbara’s Barbarians, steel lions and Team Bud Light. All three may have gone into cruise control early; the Barbarians, lions and Lights all lost in week 12.
They’re Looking Good
If the playoffs started right now, I amNFmeL and BUD GUZZLER would make the playoffs with 6-6 records. The Guzzlers beat Shake N Bake last week and are riding a two-week winning streak, while the NFmeLs extended their losing streak to three games by dropping a heartbreaker to the ATLANTA IRONMAN. Both the Guzzlers and the NFmeLs would be well advised to win this week and not tempt the fantasy football gods. The Guzzlers need to send Roger Goodell a basket of fruit to thank him for not suspending Andre Johnson, and the NFmeLs need LaDainian Tomlinson to shine on Monday night in Foxboro.
They Need Help
There is a five-game logjam at 5-7, and all these teams would be in position to pounce if the NFmeLs or the Guzzlers drop their final game of the regular season. Ironically, none of the 5-7 teams face one another in week 13. TEAM HEAVY (losers of two straight games) gets The Easy Riders this week and have to hope Vincent Jackson actually can make an impact on the field. Shake N Bake (owners of another two-game losing streak) has the unenviable task of facing the Weezles and hoping Carson Palmer can find his targets this week. DOOMSDAY DEFENSE has won two in a row and needs to make it three against Team Bud Light without the services of Gore. #1 MemesBoyz knocked off the Lights last week, gets the Ironman this week and prays Adrian Peterson’s injury is nothing serious. Phily’s phlunky’s beat the Heavys in week 12 and gets the lions in week 13, though they may do so without Bo Scaife.
They’re Done
In every fantasy football league, someone has to finish at the bottom. In this league, that honor will go to either The Easy Riders or the ATLANTA IRONMAN. Both teams have 4-8 records, and both are facing a team that needs to win to have any hope of making the playoffs. The Riders get the Heavys, while the Ironman face the MemesBoyz.
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