Taking Talents to South Beach – Week 10 Summaries/Playoff Preview

By Paul Pearson

IGoodInMyOtherLeague vs. LaFlammaBlanca

David Akers almost pulled it off. The Philadelphia Eagles kicker, who probably needed some ice bags after all those extra points, scored 11 points but could not save the Flammas from a 115.68-113.18 defeat at the hands of the Leagues. Ben Roethlisberger scored a team-high 35.68 points for the Leagues in a losing effort Monday night. Steven Jackson added 24.8 points in an overtime loss to the San Francisco 49ers, and Frank Gore put up 22.9. The Leagues even survived a minus-7-point score from the Kansas City Chiefs defense/special teams, who were clobbered early and often by the Denver Broncos. The Flammas got 29.18 points from David Garrard and 24 from Brandon Lloyd, but they could not overcome the 1.2-point score from Jason Witten.

Favre’s Huge Cock vs. Moaning Sloths

A comment from the Sloths says it all: “I totally forgot about Thursdays game.” The Sloths left Matt Ryan on the bench and the 0.9-point Willis McGahee in the starting lineup and paid the price in a 105.54-97.76 loss to the league-leading Cocks. As much as it hurt the Sloths, the Thursday night game helped the Cocks, who got a team-high 31.8 points from Roddy White, who scored the game-winning touchdown. The Cocks also generated plenty of points from Tampa Bay Buccaneers (21.54 from Josh Freeman and 15.1 from LeGarrette Blount). It wasn’t all gloom and doom for the Sloths. Matt Schaub scored a team-leading 25.96 points, and Andre Johnson wasn’t far behind with 25.1. But McGahee wasn’t even the worst-performing Sloth starter. That would be the Arizona Cardinals defense/special teams with minus-3 points.

Malken vs. Free17LetHimBallOut

This nail-biter between a pair of fantasy teams with playoff aspirations came down to the Monday night beatdown…er, game. The Philadelphia Eagles defense/special teams produced 10 points for the Malkens in thumping Donovan McNabb and his Washington Redskins, but the BallOuts managed to pull out the 128.74-126.36 win. Kyle Orton led the way for the BallOuts with 35.74 points in the other smackdown of the week, this one by the Denver Broncos against the Kansas City Chiefs. Speaking of the Chiefs, Matt Cassel scored a team-high 44.06 for the Malkens as he tried to bring his team back. Calvin Johnson scored 23.8 points for the BallOuts, while Mario Manningham countered with 20.1 for the Malkens.

Hochuli’s Biceps vs. Sneezin&Coughlin

As it turns out, the Coughlins didn’t even need the 17.3 points they got from DeSean Jackson on Monday night. They already had this game wrapped up; all Jackson’s score did was make the winning margin 154.52-109.9. The Coughlins also didn’t need Aaron Hernandez, who didn’t score a point on Sunday night. He and the New York Giants defense/special teams were the only Coughlin starters who didn’t score in double digits.  Fred Jackson led the way with 30 points. The Biceps got 40.1 points from Dwayne Bowe’s losing effort against the Denver Broncos. Unfortunately, he was the only Bicep starter to cross the 20-point threshold. Peyton Manning had a very pedestrian 7.4 points, and the Minnesota Vikings defense/special teams scored only 4.

The 69ers vs. IShouldBe7and1

Michael Vick was the one-man show for the 7and1s this week. His 57.32-point blowout of the Washington Redskins made all the difference in a 118.32-88.88 victory over the 69ers. Other than Vick, the top 7and1 starter was Ahmad Bradshaw with 16.5 points. The Pittsburgh Steelers defense/special teams didn’t help the cause with its minus-4-point performance on Sunday night. Maurice Jones-Drew led the charge for the 69ers with 25.3 points in a last-second win over the Houston Texans. Carson Palmer contributed 17.68 points to the 69ers, but Hines Ward left his Sunday night game early with a concussion and no points. (His first and only catch of the game was overturned on replay.)

PLAYOFF CHANCES

They’re in: No one. All six playoff spots remain up for grabs.

They’re looking good: Favre’s Huge Cock (7-3), Free17LetHimBallOut (7-3)

They have work to do: Malken (6-4), IGoodInMyOtherLeague (5-5), The 69ers (5-5), iShouldBe7and1 (5-5), Sneezin&Coughlin (5-5)

They need help: Hochuli’s Biceps (4-6), LaFlammaBlanca (3-7), Moaning Sloths (3-7)

They’re done: No one. First place and last place are separated by only four games. There isn’t a single team that can really shrug off a losing streak at this point.