No Sissies - Week#16, Playoff Preview

It's Lions vs. Guzzlers for All the Marbles

by Paul Pearson

If fantasy football can teach us anything, it's that a top seed is never a guarantee of a victory. Both top seeds fell in the semifinals in the No Sissies league, leaving us with a title game full of surprises. The consolation round has not gone according to plan, either. (Team Bud Light and #1 MemesBoyz can get a head start on the egg nog, since their season is over.)

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

BUD GUZZLER vs. steel lions

The fifth-seeded Guzzlers (9-6) knocked out the regular-season champion Weezies Weezles in a 184-166 upset. The third-seeded Lions (10-5) barely broke a sweat in its 197-166 semifinal win over Anna's Annihilator's. That's in part because Michael Vick is on an inhuman fantasy tear. He and LeSean McCoy will keep producing points as long anyone asked them to. So should Cortland Finnegan, who gets the Kansas City Chiefs this week. The Guzzlers' two Johnsons (Andre and Chris) remain top 10 threats, and the defense is loaded. But Jason Campbell may find the going tough against Dwight Freeney and the rest of the Indianapolis Colts. Barring a Vick/McCoy injury, this game in the Lions' to lose. They should be able to close strong and take home the title.

THIRD-PLACE GAME

Weezies Weezles vs. Anna's Annihilator's

The 10-4 Weezles must deal with the question marks hanging over both Arian Foster and Richard Seymour. And then there's Dwayne Bowe, who, though he avoided a third straight donut, still underperformed for the Weezles last week. The 11-4 Annihilators have challenges of their own, including lining up Peyton Hillis against a Baltimore Ravens defense that needs to keep winning if it wants to make the postseason. The Weezles do have top defensive stars in Jerod Mayo and Charles Woodson, and Peyton Manning is never someone to sneeze at. But the Annihilators have Philip Rivers playing Sunday night against a battered Cincinnati Bengals. That should be enough for the Annihilators to walk away with the bronze medal.

WINNERS BRACKET CONSOLATION GAME

Barbara's Barbarians vs. TEAM HEAVY

The sixth-seeded Barbarians (8-7) smashed Team Bud Light last week by a score of 213-177. Their reward is a date with the seventh-seeded Heavys (6-8), who had a bye last week. The Heavys may be getting Aaron Rodgers back on the field this week, but they do need to get rid of the injured-reserve Steve Smith (New York Giants version). The Barbarians have Jason Witten, fantasy football's top-scoring tight end, as well as Cedric Benson, whose carries should increase further now that Terrell Owens' season is over. Sprinkle in dashes of Marques Colston and Jeremy Maclin, and you get a victory for the Barbarians.

LOSERS BRACKET

ATLANTA IRONMAN vs. DOOMSDAY DEFENSE

The 11th-seeded Ironman (7-8) pulled off its second upset in as many weeks with a 188-137 beating of I am NFmeL. The ninth-seeded Defense fought Shake N Bake to a 147-147 draw and now boasts a record of 6-8-1. This one may come down to the Monday night game. Will the Atlanta Falcons rely on the arm of the Defense's Matt Ryan or the legs of the Ironman's Michael Turner. Last week aside, Turner has been the more consistent fantasy producer and should produce the winning margin for the Ironman.

I am NFmeL vs. The Easy Riders

The 14th-seeded Riders (5-9) squeaked out a 143-139 upset over the #1 MemesBoyz. They get the eighth-seeded NFmeLs, who get to watch Drew Brees try to keep his New Orleans Saints in contention for the NFC South title. Knowshon Moreno of the Riders may not be able to suit up this week, and Mark Sanchez is far from a sure thing these days. Both sides are stocked with defenders who deserve a trip to the Pro Bowl, but Brees, along with Rashard Mendenhall (facing the Carolina Panthers on Thursday night) should lift the NFmeLs to a victory here.

Shake N Bake vs. phily's phlunky's

The 12th-seeded Bakes (6-8-1) have question marks at running back (Can Felix Jones carry the mail this week?) and quarterback (What the heck has happened to Carson Palmer this year?). The 13th-seeded Phlunkys (5-9) had a bye last week and has to hope Tom Brady keeps on rolling against the Buffalo Bills and Osi Umenyiora gets to whatever quarterback the Green Bay Packers will roll out. If someone forced you to bet on this one, you would want to take the Phlunkys.