Alabama Crab Danglers: The Final Countdown

Alabama Crab Danglers: The Final Countdown

By Sam Spiegelman

Upset Special: Dicktionary Misspells Wormburpers

            In a high-flying matchup, there are winners and there are losers. Only one could have advanced to the Alabama Crab Danglers Super Bowl. And on this given Sunday, Websters Dicktionary was spitting game like none other.

            The Dicktionary rode Drew Brees’ right arm, Jason Witten’s domination of the Skins and the Monsters of the Midway’s mission to embarrass Joe Webb in his quarterbacking debut. The big three in this one combined for over 70, and it did not hurt that The Marshall Plan and Mike Williams both rebounded as expected.

            On the losing end, the Wisco Wormburpers were upset largely due to idiotic decision to use Chester Taylor as a starter, especially considering Brandon Jacobs and Marshawn Lynch rode the pine and both are considerably more productive running backs. I suppose it was a playoff-caused nervous breakdown, but still would have not made up the difference in this 139, 115 loss.

            The Dicktionary’s win positions him to face off with Double Deuce in the Super Bowl, with a red hot team ready to square off against the league’s second-best seed. It should be a classic.

Double Deuce Strikes Midnight on Cinderella Catfish

            After spiting the odds, the 6-7 Kosher Catfish prevailed to the league’s semifinals, sporting a team capable of contending with anyone. Unfortunately, on this Sunday, he met his match in Double Deuce, who said he wanted nothing to do with fairytale endings.

            Catfish looked for Tom Brady to carry the Pats to a convincing win over the Aaron Rodgers-less Packers, but his 18 points could not make up for the Reggie Wayne’s lackluster effort. Chris Johnson did his part, and Brent Celek’s bonus bomb score paid dividends, but the receivers totaling less than eight points was the difference.

            Despite his team’s poor effort, Matt “Stump the” Schaub put together a 27-point effort against Tennessee, and Cedric the Entertain got down with his funky stuff and ran all over Cleveland. Their monster games made up for the disappointing Deion Branch and injured Knowshon Moreno with a combined 51 crucial points.

            The win sets up a date this weekend between Double Deuce and Websters Dicktionary. Both teams topped the century mark in Week 15, and it should be make for a high-flying, no holds barred showdown in the most important game of the season.

Super Bowl Preview: Websters Dicktionary vs. Double Deuce

            Can Websters Dicktionary turn the page on Double Deuce’s run? Or will the Alabama Crab Dangler’s elite prevail in the season finale? All your questions answered this weekend.

            What’s intriguing? Wide receivers Mike Williams and The Marshall Plan once again have favorable matchups – Williams versus a pathetic Seattle secondary at home, and Marshall against the Lions should be a dream come true if Chad Henne can find his big target. Add a healthy Arian Foster into the mix; looking good.

            But what will be exciting is Drew Brees in a Monday night matchup that holds division records and playoff seeding in the balance. Brees has to play in the Georgia Dome, but I think he can play pretty well indoors.

            For Double Deuce, Matt “Stump the” Schaub gets that same pathetic Broncos defense Foster gets – as does Andre The Giant. If healthy, Malcolm Floyd gets the third-stringers on Cincy, and LeSean McCoy is due for a rebound at home. Perhaps his greatest impact will come via the screen game.

            My prediction: Brees has proven he’s a big-game winner. The Super Bowl counts, right? Well, I’m riding Brees and Foster on Websters Dicktionary this week, and if the wide receivers come to play it is a mismatch. Advantage: Websters, your 2010 Super Bowl champ.