No Sissies – Week 9

By Paul Pearson

 

Weezies Weezles vs. Steel Lions.

Arian Foster is making a strong case for Fantasy Breakout Player of the Year. His 38 points Sunday led the way for the Weezles in their 177-158 victory over the Lions. Of course, the Weezles also got plenty of help on the defensive side of the ball. Jerod Mayo scored 21 points in an otherwise forgettable day for the New England Patriots, while Charles Woodson scored 20 in a game that sealed Wade Phillips’ fate in Dallas. The Lions made a valiant effort to come back Monday night, when Mike Wallace scored a team-high 25 points. Michael Vick added 22 points to the Lions cause, but Barry Cofield got a big fat zero on a day when his New York Giants obliterated the Seattle Seahawks.

Bud Guzzler vs. Phily’s Phlunky’s.

Hakeem Nicks’ 28 points in a New York Giants thumping was not enough to save the Phlunky’s from a 172-140 defeat at the hands of the Guzzlers. James Farrior contributed 27 points Monday night, but the Phlunky’s also had to absorb a donut from Darrius Heyward-Bey and a single-point outing by Darren Sproles, the forgotten man in the San Diego Chargers backfield. Clay Matthews led the way for the Guzzlers with his 27-point trashing of the Dallas Cowboys. Dez Bryant, on the losing side of said trashing, nevertheless came up with 22 points, and Richard Marshall of the otherwise-hapless Carolina Panthers contributed 21 points.

Anna’s Annihilator’s vs. Atlanta Ironman.

What do the Ironman and the New England Patriots have in common? Both were run over by Peyton Hillis this weekend. The Cleveland Browns bowling ball amassed 38 points in the Annihilator’s 220-166 victory over the Ironman. Hillis got plenty of help from James Jones of the Green Bay Packers (29 points for the Annihilator’s) and Philip Rivers (28 points). The Ironman also had some impressive performers. Michael Turner led the team with 25 points, followed by Mike Williams (Tampa Bay Buccaneers edition) with 23. But the Ironman also got a single point from Robbie Gould, 2 points from Mike Wright of the Patriots and 3 points from Jermaine Gresham.

The Easy Riders vs. Doomsday Defense.

The Riders did to the Defense what that one dog in the Defense’s avatar is doing to the other dog. Mark Sanchez scored a team-high 33 points in the Riders 210-129 domination of the Defense. Jacob Tamme, filling the very large shoes of Dallas Clark in the Indianapolis Colts offense, came up with another 30 points for the Riders. Ray Rice contributed 24 points, while Jared Allen scored 23. Each of those four players outperformed the top Defense scorer, Greg Jennings (21 points). It was not a good day to be a Defense player named Steve. Stephen Gostkowski scored 1 point before suffering a quad injury. Steve Smith (Carolina Panthers edition) also scored a single point, and with Matt Moore done for the season, Smith is in danger of becoming an irrelevant fantasy player.

Shake N Bake vs. Team Bud Light.

It’s safe to say that DeSean Jackson is feeling much better now. The Philadelphia Eagles receiver bounced back from a severe concussion and scored a team-leading 28 points for the Bakes, who prevailed over the Bud Lights by a score of 151-122. Aside from Jackson, the Bakes got most of their points from the defense. Marcus Trufant scored 19 points, while Quintin Mikell scored 16. Defensive players also paved the way for the Bud Lights. Chad Greenway scored a team-high 20 points, while Eric Weddle scored 19. Unfortunately, the Bud Lights got a 0 from Rian Lindell, while Calvin Johnson got lost on Revis Island and came away with only 2 points.

Barbara’s Barbarians vs. #1 MemesBoyz.

In so many games, one injury can make all the difference. In this case, Austin Collie’s early exit (and the single point he scored before being taken out) proved critical for the MemesBoyz in a 153-144 loss to the Barbarians. Derrick Mason’s 14 points were wasted on the bench. Each team had a starter score 30 points – Adrian Peterson for the MemesBoyz and Roman Harper for the Barbarians. But the Barbarians got just enough scoring from other sources, including Eli Manning (24 points) and Marques Colston (16 points).

Team Heavy vs. I am NFmeL.

Monday night was a good time to be an NFmeL player. Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Steeler players racked up 80 points for the NFmeLs, who beat the Heavys by a score of 210-171. Terrell Owens led the way with a team-high 41 points, and Rashard Mendenhall added 21 (tied with Aaron Hernandez for second-highest for the NFmeLs). Steve Johnson continued his where-the-heck-did-this-guy-come-from season by scoring a team-leading 28 points for the Heavys. Aaron Rodgers added 26 in Sunday night’s beatdown of the Dallas Cowboys, and Ahmad Bradshaw scored 24 in New York’s whipping of the Seattle Seahawks. But Justin Tuck contributed only 2 points, and a trio of Heavy players (Benjamin Watson, Marcus Stroud and Dan Carpenter) scored 3 apiece.