Revving the Playoff Engines: Alabama Crab Danglers
By Sam Spiegelman
Wisco Wormburpers, Double Deuce Cruise to Victories, Enjoy First-Round Byes
You do not need me to tell you it was a mismatch, but when the 9-4 league-best Wisco Wormburpers took on the two-win 40 Yr Old Viking (not Brett Favre, see cell phone), it was over way before the games were played.
The Wormpurpers were lead by dominant afternoons from Brandon Jacobs and Adrian Peterson, each of whom ran over opposing defenses and combined for five touchdowns in their teams’ victories. The team topped the century mark despite little contributions from Sam Bradford, Roddy White and Speedy Stevie Johnson.
On the other side, it was evident the towel was thrown in when The 40 Yr Old Viking started the injured G-Men wide-out Steve Smith and never-intelligent starter Justin Forsett to try and earn his third win on the season. As expected, the team came up short. Aside from Peyton Manning, the top scorer was Philly kicker David Akers – you get the idea.
It was a similar situation for the No. 2-seeded Double Deuce squad when they took on the 5-8 Lt. Blumpkin. Double Deuce doubled his opponent’s point total Sunday, utterly embarrassing Lt. Blumpkin and rubbing their playoff-less season in their face.
Six different players scored in double-figures for Double Deuce, including Jon Kitna, Andre “The Giant” Johnson, Knowshon Moreno, LeSean McCoy, Cedric Benson and the Seattle defense, who got the favorable opportunity to face Jimmy Clausen. With Benson finally making his presence felt and Kitna continuing to put up good numbers, this team is certainly clicking.
For Lt. Blumpkin, the disappointing season continued with loss number eight. Matt Cassel managed one touchdown versus the lackluster Broncos defense, while the three wide-outs combined for just 15 points – not even enough to beat Andre The Giant alone.
Both the Wisco Wormburpers and Double Deuce will enjoy first-round byes in the quarterfinals of the Alabama Crab Danglers postseason. The Wormburpers will host the winner of the 4-5 matchup between Websters Dicktionary, while Double Deuce will face the winner of the 3-6 clash between The Chicken Cutlet and Kosher Catfish in the semis.
Kosher Catfish Cook The Chicken Cutlet, Re-Match Coming in 1st Round of Playoffs
In the final week of the regular season, two teams collided with essentially nothing on the line. A week later comes a second straight matchup between the teams, this time with a trip to the second round of the playoffs in the balance.
The Week 13 contest had the 6-7 Kosher Catfish upset the 9-4 The Chicken Cutlet 136.5 to 122.5. The team was led by Tommy Brady’s outstanding Monday Night Football performance against the rival Jets. It did not hurt that it just so happened to coincide with Reggie Wayne’s season-best performance, 100 yards receiving from none other than Danny Woodhead and another big afternoon on the part of Matt “I’m a Man, I’m” Forte.
For The Chicken Cutlet, Michael Vick led the way with nearly 37 points to start the weekend, and was complemented well by double-digit efforts from Megaron, The Burner, the G-Men defense and Wes Welker, who of course just added insult to injury when his point total was a direct result of his quarterback’s.
The playoff game, however, could see a different result. The favored The Chicken Cutlet has matchups of Vick versus the underperforming Dallas defense, the Burner against a Panthers defense that got lit up by has-been Marshawn Lynch, Peyton “Running down” Hillis against the Bills and LeGarrette Blount versus the Skins.
On the flip side, Brady gets that shaky Bears defense – not that it matters who he lines up against really. Wayne will once again emerge as Peyton Manning’s go-to guy in a Colts must-win matchup in Tennessee, and on the other side, Chris Johnson should continue the trend of running backs dominating the Indy defense. Forte, however, may be the least favorable matchup as he plays a tough Pats defense that has suddenly grown up.
My prediction: The Chicken Cutlet rebounds. They say it is difficult to beat the same team twice in one season, so when you play them in back-to-back weeks it must be especially tough. Vick and Co. should dominate Dallas, the Burner will rip apart Carolina and Hillis might run the Bills right out of Buffalo. It will be a close one – maybe a classic – but give me The Cutlet to advance.
Playoff Preview: Websters Dicktionary vs. Casual Sacks
This one should be a high-flying affair, as No. 4 seed Websters Dicktionary gets the No. 5 seed Nerfheaders in the always-wild playoff contest.
WD’s quarterback Drew Brees will serve his owner well when he takes on the St. Louis Rams, the best of the NFC West. If Sammy Bradford cannot keep this one close, expect Chris Ivory and the Saints running backs to carry the load; if not, Brees could explode against this weak secondary.
Arian Foster will face off against the Baltimore defense in a primetime showdown Monday night, which should make for an excellent battle. Foster has rarely been held in check in 2010, but the Ravens perform well on a big stage, and last week limited Rashard Mendenhall. Ahmad Bradshaw also gets a difficult test in the Minny defense, which has played stellar under Leslie Frazier. Meanwhile, Mike Williams get to face DeAngelo Hall, possibly lowering his ceiling on the day.
For Casual Sacks, his stud quarterbacks gets a second helping of the Lions Sunday after annihilating them earlier this year on Thanksgiving. More importantly, it was Greg Jennings who he targeted more often than not, and needless to say, that tandem is dangerous.
When Cincy takes on Pittsburgh, they will likely be down and forced to throw, so Terrell Owens should see plenty of throws his way. Braylon Edwards, as a Jet, has shown up big in games against the Fins. And a sleeper Sunday – Felix Jones. Similar to the skill set of Matt Forte and Foster, King Felix can run and catch the ball against Philly, which his prone to giving up big games to backs.
My prediction: Upset city, baby. Casual Sacks takes down Websters Dicktionary due to an easy afternoon for A-Rodge and Jennings, while the receivers and Tony Gonzalez prove to be simply more productive than that of the opponent. In what should be the closest game on the weekend, it could get ugly.
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